Grief

Typical responses to grief

• Shock and disbelief: immediately after experiencing or learning such events, many people may feel numb, or feel like such events can’t quite be real.
• Speculation about what happened, and seeking more information, such as talking to others about what each know or have heard.
• Physical reactions including fatigue, nightmares, exhaustion, and health problems.
• Cognitive reactions including difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or memory problems.
• Emotional reactions including fear, guilt, anxiety, depression, feelings of helplessness, and anger.
• Wanting to check in with loved ones, even if they are not close by. It is normal to want to touch base with someone you care about.
• In the hours and days following such events, the shock begins to wear off, and more feelings may emerge. It is important to share these feelings with people that you trust.

Coping suggestions

• Do activities to de-stress and help yourself to feel safe.
• Structure your time — keep busy.
• Give yourself permission to have feelings and to share those feelings w/others.
• Help your fellow students by checking out how they’re doing.
• Talk to others — this is the most healing medicine.
• Listen to others — reassure them that they are safe, don’t take their feelings personally.
• Don’t scapegoat.
• Don’t blame yourself.
• Don’t turn to alcohol or drugs.
• Keep your life as normal as possible.
• Keep a journal.
• Reassure yourself that a wide range of reactions and feelings are normal.
• Remind yourself that DU takes your safety seriously and is doing everything possible to keep you safe.

Circumstances or signs that may lead you to seek additional counseling support

• Memories of previous loss, trauma, or crisis that you have faced
• Experiencing heightened feelings of anxiety, fear for your safety, or rage
• Crying more than usual in response to sadness

Books

• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Author is a survivor of Nazi concentration camps and talks directly to finding a reason to continue living in the face of personal tragedy and seemingly overwhelming trauma.
• Living Through Personal Crisis, by Ann Kaiser Stearns—paperback by Ballantine Books, 1985
• A Journey Through Grief by Alla Bozarth, Ph.D.
• When a Lifemate Dies
• The Soul in Grief by Robert Romanshyn
• A Time to Grieve
• The Depression Book (depression as an opportunity for spiritual practice) by Cheri Huber.
• The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck
• J.W. Worden in Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner has a chapter on complicated grief reactions. This chapter might be helpful for the therapist.
• When Bad Times are Over For Good: Transforming Trouble into Triumph and When One Day at a Time is Too Long: Practical Answers to 42 of Life’s Toughest Questions (both by Gerald Mann, Southern Baptist)
• De Vries, R. and Zonnebelt-Smeenge, S (1998). Getting to the Other Side of Grief.
  Whether you are feeling alone, drowning under an ocean of emotions, or you have worked your way through the darkest nights of the soul and are now wondering how to get on with your life, you’ll find comfort and guidance from Susan, a clinical psychologist, and Robert, a pastor and professor. Both suffered the loss of a spouse at a relatively young age. Their empathy, valuable psychological insights, biblical observations, and male and female perspectives will help you experience grief in the healthiest, most complete way so you can move forward to embrace the new life that is waiting for you.
• Lewis, C.S. (1976). A Grief Observed.
  After four brief, intensely happy years, Lewis found himself alone again (after his wife’s death), and inconsolable. To defend himself against the loss of belief in God, Lewis wrote this journal, an eloquent statement of rediscovered faith. In it he freely confesses his doubts, his rage, and his awareness of human frailty.
• Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, & Melba Colgrove (1993), How to Survive the Loss of a Love. ISBN 0931580439
  The title notwithstanding, this book actually considers losses of all kinds, including not only relationships lost through death or break-ups, but also including the psychological losses entailed by bankruptcy, serious illness and accidents, career setbacks, and so forth. The book offers a mix of practical advice, inspirational passages, and other helpful aids.

  Counseling resources on campus

• Counseling and Behavioral Health Center 303.871.2205 (Ritchie Center, 3rd floor north). A variety of groups are being offered to deal with these tragedies. In addition, there is an after-hours counselor-on-call available by calling 303-871-3000.
• Professional Psychology Clinic
  303.871.3626
• Counseling and Educational Services Clinic
  303.871.2528
• Department of Psychology
  Child Study Center (303) 871-3306
  Marital and Family Studies Center (303) 871-3829
  Other resources
• HeartBeat (regarding suicide) 303-770-1859
• http://www.du.edu/duhealth/counseling
• www.griefnet.org
• Hospice of Metro Denver
  425 S Cherry Street #700
  Denver 80206
  303-321-2828
  www.hospiceofmetrodenver.org