Myths and Facts

MYTH:
Only straight women get battered or assaulted. Men are not victims of domestic violence or sexual assault, and women never batter or assault.

REALITY:
Such myths ignore and deny the realities of same-sex relationships. Men can be and are survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Women can be and are batterers and have assaulted others. Domestic violence and sexual assault are fundamentally power issues. Even when two people are of the same gender, power differences exist and can be abused.

MYTH:
I am _____________ (gay, bisexual, trans, etc.) because I was sexually assaulted.

REALITY:
Abuse does not shape gender or sexual orientation. For all human beings, sexual orientation (the gender(s) we are attracted to) and gender identity (how we view ourselves) are shaped by a combination of biological and socio-cultural factors. Many survivors fear that their identity or feelings of being LGBT are not authentic if they experienced abuse. This myth manifests in statements such as "You’re not really a lesbian; you’ve just had bad experiences with men." For someone who has internalized this stereotype, it may be helpful to point out that large numbers of heterosexual people have been sexually assaulted and many LGBT people have not.

MYTH:
My sexual orientation or gender identity/presentation caused the assault.

REALITY:
Hate violence is the targeting of an individual or group based on the perpetrator’s perception of the victim belonging to an oppressed group – i.e. person of color, LGBT, female, etc. It takes many forms, including ignoring/isolation, anti-LGBT jokes, slurs and verbal assaults, vandalism, physical assault, sexual assault, and murder. When an LGBT person is sexually assaulted in the context of hate violence, the level of physical injury and emotional trauma is typically more severe than with other motives. It is important for a victim to hear multiple times from multiple sources that they did not cause the assault – rather another person made the decision to be violent and the victim is not at fault, regardless of the perpetrator’s motive. *Note: there are specific dynamics present with hate incidents including: ripple affect, higher levels of fear, questioning identity, higher PTSD, more frequently group assaults on an individual, more frequently severely violent.

MYTH:
Nobody would want to sexually assault a transgender or intersex person.

REALITY:
This myth also affects elderly people and victims with disabilities and contributes to under-reporting and fears of not being believed. Woven into this myth are actually two misconceptions 1) that trans and intersex people are unattractive and/or sexually undesirable. And 2) that sexual assault is primarily about sexual attraction. Neither one of these myths are true.

MYTH:
Same-sex violence is a "fight" between equals.

REALITY:
In almost all cases of same-sex domestic violence there IS a primary aggressor. Two women or two men in a relationship do not automatically guarantee equality. Relationship struggles are never equal if abuse is involved.

MYTH:
The batterer in a same-sex relationship is the one who is butcher, taller, larger, physically stronger or makes more money. The victim is smaller, weaker, more feminine.

REALITY:
External aspects have no bearing on who controls the relationship and who is abusive.

MYTH:
It is easier for lesbian or gay victims of domestic violence to leave the abusive relationship than it is for someone who identifies as heterosexual.

REALITY:
Many same-sex couples are not as tied financially to their partner as heterosexuals because of the lack of legal recognition of same-sex relationships. However, to the extent that a same-sex couple’s finances are intertwined, there is no established legal process (such as divorce) to assist in making sure assets are fairly divided. There is no evidence that the absence of children makes leaving a violent partner easier, and same-sex couples can have children as well. Additionally, there are many LGBT parents. Non-birth parents may be unaware of their legal options or rights with respect to visitation and custody. Birth parents or legal guardians may threaten to withhold contact with the child. The invisibility and relatively limited supports available to victims of same-sex domestic violence may compound barriers to leaving. Many LGBT people lack support from their families and communities, and may not be able to rely on them for help. Victims may also be threatened by their batterers with 'outing' if they attempt to leave an abusive relationship, or convinced that potential helpers will be homophobic and/or transphobic and unhelpful (aardvark.org).

Domestic violence and sexual assault in the LGBT community is a serious issue. The rate of domestic violence and assault in same-gender relationships is roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women (aardvark.org). Unfortunately, as in heterosexual relationships, violence often goes unreported due to the fear of revealing sexual orientation or hostility from those they seek help from. Not only might personal attitudes towards the LGBT community come into play, but providers may have inadequate levels of experience and training to work with LGBT victims and flimsy or non-existent laws to enforce on behalf of the victim, making the reporting of same-sex violence more difficult.

Fortunately, there are many well established resources for the LGBT community in Denver and nationally. Should you or someone you know be a victim of physical, mental, or sexual abuse, DU has a Gender Violence Education and Support Services office and resource center located in Nelson Residence Hall (303-871-3853) that can help. Its services are free and confidential. The GVESS Office provides services to all who need them regardless of race, color, national origin, age, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, marital status, and veteran status. DU also has an LGBTIQA and Social Justice Education Coordinator who can offer resources and assistance (303-871-4614, located at the Center for Multicultural Excellence).